SRPC's First Talent Night

176 posts! :o)

Now Playing: Something on Logan's laptop in the office. I'm not sure what it is--sounds a little bit like a soundtrack at times.

After VBS today, we went back to the Wagners' house to pack up. Mrs. Wagner had grilled bratwursts, so we fixed sandwiches and packed them in the car to eat on the drive to Stillwater. Ruth and I rode with Beth, Katie, and Christi in one of the Wagners' little cars. We had to swing by the sewing shop where Christi works to pick up a projector. Then we started the drive to Stillwater, taking the northern highway that runs between Enid and Tulsa, then heading south on the road from Ponca City. We ate our sausages, and the juice dribbled all over our wax paper wrapping. Ruth produced half-a-dozen clementines from a plastic bag and shared them around, while I shared nuts and M&M's. The Wagner girls discussed their skit for tonight, making it up as they went along.

We arrived in Stillwater a little late for the talent show. I hurried down the long halls in the Community Center, where we normally meet for church, into a wing we don't usually use. For the talent show, we're renting a newly-renovated assembly hall. It used to be a gym. But the old drywall has been stripped off to stylishly expose the worn bricks underneath. Black sound boards in diamond patterns have been mounted on the walls to make the room less noisy. The fine wooden floor has been refinished. There's a stage at one end, and under the stage, chairs had been set up. I sat in the front row with Rebekah, Rachel, and Laura. Christa perched on my lap for a little while, wiggling uncomfortably.

As soon as we arrived, the show started. Daniel sat on the side of the stage with the sound equipment. Mr. Yost was our emcee. He poked jokes at various states, especially Ohio, Texas, and California.

The first act was "We're Doin' a Show" by the Guys and Dolls Choir--i.e., the mission team plus the Wagner girls, Anna, and Ruth. Christi took the piano, which was wheeled to a convenient spot just below the stage. The guys lined up behind, and the girls in front. They sang and danced to a Broadway tune to introduce the show. The boys were rather hard to hear, but it was still a fun song.

Next Nathaniel sang the "Yellow Rose of Texas". He has a good, high-pitched voice, and he projects well.

Then came the bit of the show the Wagner girls were all looking forward to: "Steve Blue's Roadkill Band". Fans of the band screamed and cheered as members of the band ran onstage: Manager Mr. Fisher and behind-the-scenes tech crew Dani, Ben, and Greg. Everyone shouted and cheered (with laughter) as the tech crew unveiled the band. The band was mounted on a bench, lined with twinkly Christmas lights. Steve Blue (news flash! his name is really Dinky the Duck) took spotlight on the stage. Dani, Ben, and Greg took their spots behind the stars, Mr. Fisher adjusted the sound system, and the show began. All through it, the fans laughed and screamed. I had to physically restrain one of them (Christa) from running up onto the stage, and Beth behind me had to restrain Mary and Raychel. Steve Blue sang a Christian rock song, his head tipped back, while the drummer thumped away on the drumset, and the guitarist swung some cool moves. When the song ended, everyone cheered. Some fans shouted for an encore. But the stage crew had to escort the band off the stage, grinning broadly.

This wasn't as nefarious as it sounded, actually. Dani, Ben, and Greg had set up their Beanie Babies on a bench, with little instruments made out of cardboard, paper, and other things they'd found around the house. They then manipulated the Beanie Babies like puppets during the song. It was ridiculously funny: the dishevelled Beanie Babies howling to the Christian rock song, the audience laughing their hearts out, and Dani, Ben, and Greg peeping through the back of the bench, grinning rakishly.

The fourth act was another musical number, more appropriate with an older demographic: Christi played a couple of serene hymns on the piano.

The fifth act was done under duress, which became a theme for the rest of the night. "What could be a Reformed Presbyterian gathering without something from Tolkien?" Mr. Yost asked with a grin. And I ran up onstage with the microphone to recite the troll poem, Sam's composition from The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien. I made a disclaimer first: "Missy made me do it!" It was actually fun to recite--throwing in some gestures, pausing for laughter. But my legs were shaking from adrenaline, and I was glad to leave the spotlight.

Next came David with a musical piece, "The Eagle's Cry". First he recited a couple of Ogden Nash poems. Then he told us about a time when he was in the mountains and saw an eagle swoop down, catch a fish, and leap away from the water with a wild cry. "It inspired me... to sing this song," he said, with a deeply moved look on his face. He picked up Katie's guitar, strummed it with deep emotion-- and then squawked. His voice broke on the high pitch. Everyone burst out laughing as he jumped up from his chair with a melodramatic flourish. "Thank you, thank you," he said, bowing.

Stephen played a piece by Bach, "Invention No. 4 in D minor". He did quite well.

The Yosts were up next with random goofiness from the Yost children. Mr. Yost tried to get Raychel to recite her catechism questions. She pranced up onstage beside him, grinning at the audience. But when he asked her to recite the questions, she buried her face in his shoulder. "Well, I guess we'll move on," he laughed a little sheepishly.

Next up was an Irish dancing show with Rebekah, Hannah, Laura, Dani, Abigail, Will, and my mother. They danced well: quick joy, fleet feet in black shoes dancing over the boards. They performed the four-hand reel to a song from their Irish dance teacher's CD.

After Irish dancing came the Wagner girls. They stood below the stage and recited Proverbs 31 with hand motions. They projected calm confidence. Hands and words fit together to make pictures honoring Godly womanhood.

For the eleventh act, we had more music: Betty on trumpet and Jessie on flute to play "The Little Czech Suite". Betty said with a laugh before they started that if they messed up they meant to. When they were playing solo, it sounded really good. Jessie has especially good tone.

A skit came next. Mr. Parnell, Sam, and J.D. set up three chairs on the stage in formation as though the seats of a car. They performed a skit called "Cow in the Road". The three of them started out by talking about how great they'd done an the rappelling trip. "It sure was hot," one of them said. "Yeah. Just like you guys rappelling," Mr. Parnell said, and everyone laughed. "It was like--cowabunga, man!" Sam said. "Cow in the road!" J.D. squealed from the back seat. "No, no, cowabunga man!" Sam and Mr. Parnell corrected. Then Mr. Parnell "saw" the cow, and the three of them tipped and tumbled as though the car was swerving madly. Everyone laughed. Then they replayed the skit, once in slow motion and once in fast motion. Their faces for slow motion were absurd, especially Sam's big-eyed look of astonishment when the cow appeared. J.D.'s squeaky voice on the fast motion run-through was hilarious.

Yet another musical piece followed. Missy and Anna ran onstage. Missy pulled on Christa's little red cape, and Anna took the microphone. The two of them proceeded to perform a ridiculous rendition of the Goat's song from "Hoodwinked". Anna warbled and yodeled into the microphone as Japhetha the Goat, while Missy rolled her eyes in disgust.

Logan was up next, exhibiting his vocal talents. He put a disclaimer before his act just as I had done: "Missy made me do it!" Missy, sitting in the middle of the audience, laughed fit to burst. Logan used his voice to imitate the Strongbad voices. Then he hopped down on all fours and did the best Gollum I've ever seen. Speaking for myself, I nearly died laughing: Knowing Logan even a little, it was so funny to see a young man whom I know to be courteous and deeply interested in matters of God pretending to be Gollum. He performed a snatch of the scene in "The Two Towers" where Gollum/Smeagol have their debate--performed it verbatim, the voices perfectly matched. Then he gave an impersonation of Jonathan and Mr. Fisher, which had all the Fisher kids laughing.

Next was another skit: "Stimulating Health Foods", the show Katie, Beth, and Christi had been brainstorming in the car. I scurried up onstage with them to help setup. I had to run down into the audience to ask Logan and Nathaniel to hold up a sheet to form a screen for us. Then Mr. Wagner, Stephen, Ruth, Christi, Missy, and I hid behind the screen. Katie and Beth set up a table. Katie acted like a talk show host, and Beth took on the persona of her guest, Delicious Tofu, "But I go by Deli," she giggled. Beth praised health foods to high heaven. "To show just how good they are, I'd like to give you some examples," she said. Christi joined her onstage. "This young woman really wants red hair," Beth said, patting Christi on the shoulder. Christi pulled a long face. "Yes, blond hair is just so boring. I've always wanted red hair," she said plaintively. "Well, just eat this organic carrot, and I'm sure it will do wonders," Beth assured. Christi walked behind the curtain eating the carrot, and I stepped out the other side. Everyone burst out laughing. I flirted with my curls, giggling and squealing with delight as Katie and Beth congratulated me. I went and sat down in the audience. Next came a girl who desperately wanted long hair: Ruth. "I really wanted long hair, but Christi just chopped it all off," she complained. "Well, I'm sure this will help," Beth promised and gave her "organic orange juice with lavender oil". Ruth stepped behind the curtain sipping the juice, and Hannah hopped out the other side with a huge grin. "My hair is long!" she cried happily. However, the next testimonial took a darker turn. Beth called David up from the audience. He ran onstage, waggling his arms. "I really want to be muscular," he complained. "Well, sir, I'm sure this will help," Beth said soothingly. She handed him tofu marinated in rosepetal water (watermelon). He went behind the curtain, and Stephen came out the other side. He was a bit confused, but he caught on fairly quickly. "Oh, sir! Oh, oh dear!" Beth exclaimed. "I'm so sorry!" Stephen's cocky grin turned crestfallen. "It didn't work," Katie sighed worriedly. "I'm sure this one will work, though," Beth promised, with a little frown. "I'm sure it was just a fluke." She produced a sack of crackers. "These are guaranteed to help you lose weight," she proclaimed. Katie sneaked a cracker out of the bag while Beth called Betty up from the audience. "Do you want to lose weight?" she asked. "Well... yes, yes, of course!" Betty said. Betty went behind the curtain nibbling the cracker--and Missy jumped out the other side. She was grinning at first, happy and proud, showing herself off. But Katie and Beth looked at her, horrified. "I'm glad I didn't eat that!" Katie whispered, stage-fashion. Missy plumped off the stage, while Katie and Beth pulled shocked faces behind her. Next up was Mrs. Yost with Joseph. "This food will make your child grow into the man you want him to be!" Beth promised. Joseph sucked on a little toffee bar, and Mrs. Yost carried him behind the curtain. Mr. Wagner shuffled out the other side, his hand on his lower back, hunched over like an old man. Mrs. Yost came out behind him, her hands over her mouth. "Oh, sir! Sir!" Beth cried. "I'm so sorry!" Mr. Wagner staggered down the steps from the stage, fumbling after his dentures. Katie marched back to center stage and proclaimed, "I guess, when all is said and done, drink Dr. Pepper!"

Next Laura played "Adagio Cantibello" by Beethoven. Lush Romantic music filled the room, serious, pathetic.

For the final act, the Wagner girls and Clay (leader of the mission team) ran onstage. Missy and Katie held up a curtain in the middle of the stage. All the girls except Beth were dressed in white. Beth had a black poodle skirt on (Oldies rock), and her long blonde hair flipped up in a high ponytail. She took a fake microphone, and they lipsynced with a song, "The Leader of the Pack". Beth lipsynced the main singer's part, a girl who fell in love with "the leader of the pack". At that point, Missy and Katie dropped the curtain, and we saw Clay sitting behind it, dressed up as a motorcycle dude. He had on a leather jacket, a baseball cap tilted backwards, sunglasses--and was perched on Christa's red tricycle. Everyone burst out laughing. The electric guitar on the song revved and Clay pretended to push the pedals of the tricycle. Beth sang plaintively about how her father forced her to say good-bye to "the leader of the back", while Missy and Katie hummed into their "microphone", and Christi tried to comfort Beth, who sobbed ridiculously on Christi's shoulder.

What a show!