Now Playing: Mumford and Sons, "After the Storm."

It's moments of clarity and peace that I've come to value as most precious. Over the past year or so, fear and anxiety have never been very far away, and with them, the obstruction of God's grace that inevitably arises from sin. I become so anxious about the details of day-to-day life that anxiety frosts over God's providences, which ought to be windows onto His love and grace.

Case in point: in May, when the schoolyear finished and summer began, when Lisa and I found ourselves launched immediately into French classes, I was desperate for quiet. For time to reflect, to meditate, to pray, to be alone. The changes of the past year have been overwhelming--as wonderful as they've been in many ways--and I felt the compulsion to run and retreat from everything in order to get my head around what God had been doing.

But that desire for being alone only lead to more anxiety. I worshiped the moments of solitude I had and worried and fretted because I couldn't have more of them. Because I was worshiping solitude, not God, I couldn't it properly.

This week, though, I've suddenly, unexpectedly found that time given to me. I woke up on Monday to an empty house, and again this morning. This morning I cleaned the kitchen, baked scones, ate a scone and part of a peach for breakfast, drank tea, read some of Murder Must Advertise. And realized--as I'd known quite clearly all along, even back in May in the worst of it--that the anxiety was completely unnecessary. God knew when and where to give the time.

Now as I look forward to next week, when AI (Associate Instructor) orientation starts, I'm seeking the grace to keep God's love first in my mind and heart. Psalm 62:8, "Trust in Him at all times, o people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us."

Also this morning I read Psalm 105:1-6,
               "Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon His name; make known His deeds among the peoples!
               Sing to Him, sing praises to Him; tell of all His wondrous works!
               Glory in His holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice!
               Seek the Lord and His strength; seek His presence continually!
               Remember the wondrous works that He has done, His miracles, and the judgments He uttered, o offspring of Abraham, His servant, children of Jacob, His chosen ones!"

I'm to be defined by these actions: give thanks, call, make known, sing, glory, rejoice, seek, remember. No mention of being perfect, of managing every detail of life smoothly, of being obedient or righteous. That goes against my grain. I'm supposed to be a "good little Christian girl", after all. 

In Christ there's no such thing. There are only children of Jacob--"worm Jacob," as God calls His people in Isaiah, to remind them that they're completely worthless and helpless on their own. So I'm to do what the Confession calls faith: receive and rest. And I do that by these actions, these actions that build my identity as a child of Abraham, who walked by faith. Faith in a Savior who has done it all for me.