This poor blog is in a sad state of neglect....

Monday and Tuesday were Catherine days over here. She and I met up in Belfast as already mentioned and spent the two days together. Tuesday afternoon, we went to the beach. Both of us just lay in the sand in the sunshine and dozed before she took me to the McCollums' house.

Thanks to an endless succession of social activities and Emmaline's small Volkswagen, we've been driving all over everywhere: to Lisburn for a funeral on Wednesday, then to Cloughmills for a meeting of synod; to Belfast for a CU small group reunion on Thursday, then to Newtownards on Friday to drop off a wedding present. In between times we chased cows up and down roads, changed fences, and worked on various lessons for our separate mission teams.

Saturday was running errands around Coleraine day, and the Glenmanus RP Go Team arrived Saturday evening. Yesterday, we went for a soaking wet walk on the beach after church, and today we handed out leaflets all morning. This afternoon we had a Bible study and raided the church loft for games equipment.

I said good-bye to almost everyone this evening. If nothing else, it's simply strange not to be here, not to be able to meet up with Emmaline and Catherine and Rachel and Daphne and Amy and everyone. Unnatural. I hate the string of good-byes, leaving people behind one after the other, not knowing when I'll see them again. I already miss them, missing part of my body, and I haven't even left the country yet.

None of this is particularly newsworthy, though. Second verse, same as the first (almost, anyway). I want to be in one place with the people I love. Nothing new or different.

But that desire isn't enough. Trying to satisfy oneself on one's friends is dangerous. For one thing, it imperils the friendship, I think. Expecting too much puts pressure on everyone and diminishes the existence of Christlike grace in the relationship. Even simply wanting to be happy isn't enough. Happiness lasts for five minutes and ends as soon as the conversation or meal or afternoon is over. Despite that, I go to these things for satisfaction. I go to them again and again, like the Samaritan woman in John 4, trying to quench my thirst without ever having rest.

Somehow it sounds proud to say, 'I'll settle for nothing less than God Himself!' As though I'm so high-and-mighty that nothing else is good enough. Yet since our greatest act of pride was to decide that we would be the ones to choose what satisfied us, not God, perhaps it is actually an act of humility to set everything else aside. To lay aside all my attempts to make everything play out perfectly, all my attempts to please everyone. To say that none of that matters, only God and obeying His revealed will.

But that's very hard. My habits refuse to die. I'd much rather be pleased right here, right now, rather than pursuing some far-off, invisible satisfaction.

To that question it would be so easy to give the pat answer, 'Aha! Your satisfaction has been made visible! Christ was incarnate, and now He reigns in Heaven!' It is true, truth of truths, but the fact that my mind spits that answer out so easily reflects a lack of real understanding--of how deep my sin runs, of how much agony results from seeking satisfaction in other places, of how painful it is to pursue Christ, of how much Christ's incarnation cost for Him.

The truth is that I probably won't ever be at peace on this earth. Tiredness, loneliness, and despair will probably be an ingredient of most days here because I am sinful and so are the people around me.

On Saturday night, Emmaline chose James 1:2-5 as the Holiday Bible Club memory verse. God gives generously. And 'He rewards those who seek Him' (Hebrews 11:6). I need to devote myself so much more to learning about Him, to thinking about what He has done and what His will in the Scriptures means. So that when I am thirsty like this and dead tired, I can have real comfort, not just in 'Oh, you'll see them again,' or even 'Oh, you're going to Heaven,' but in the Lord Himself, who is the centre of every friendship and the crown of Heaven's glory.